The Time I Had Some Deep-Seated Prejudices I Was Forced to Challenge

We all grow up with certain (sometimes toxic) ideas and prejudices based on the way we were raised. Even when they’re never overtly stated, we tend to grow up mirroring, and subsequently adopting, our parents’ actions and beliefs. 

Sometimes when we get older, we eschew those beliefs and sometimes we deeply internalize them. As we grow, we gain new experiences, see new viewpoints and change our beliefs.  Or, if you’re a jackass, double down and refuse to even consider the idea that your thinking might be way off-base. 

I have one such deep-seated belief that was never overtly stated, but strongly demonstrated through action by my parents throughout my young life. I’ve been trying to change it. I’ve been open minded and consciously attempting to battle my own prejudice. Challenging your own belief system is hard, but I’m working on it. 

What’s that belief, you ask? 

If you have more than one dog, they should match. 

That didn’t go where you thought it was going, did it?

After my parents had been (I assume, happily) childlessly married for a while, they decided to adopt a couple of puppies. My dad got a black male Labrador and my mom got a yellow female Labrador. By the time I (surprise!) came along, both dogs were a little over a year old and for dogs, fully grown.  I grew up with a male/female pair of furry best friends that I adored. 

Eventually, as dogs most heartbreakingly do, they crossed the rainbow bridge when I was in my pre-teen years. We waited the usual “between dogs grieving period” and set out looking for another pair of Labradors. My parents wanted another matching set of Labradors, just like the first. They wanted a black male and a yellow female. They found the yellow female pretty early on in their search and then set their sights on a black male. (Wow. I never thought I’d write an article that included the phrase “black male,” at all, let alone more than once, but…here we are.) They found a brown one that was perfect for our family, so we compromised and got a chocolate lab. Our second iteration of matching dogs was in place. 

It was around this time that we had moved to a larger home in the country from a small home in the city. Most people I knew in the city only had only one dog, if any. In the city, only one family on our block had two dogs-twin rottweilers named Lady and Bear. This naturally contributed to my deep-seated belief that dogs should match. 

Through a succession of minor miracles, after we moved to the country…the pattern continued.  Everyone we met who had more than one dog had matching dogs. My mom’s friend had 3 pekinese pups. My best friend Shannan had two miniature schnauzers. THEY. ALL. MATCHED. 

I grew into an adult with this prejudice. This strongly held belief. Dogs should match. 

Shannan (of the matching mini-schnauzers) and I have remained close friends throughout these (I’m not going to tell you how many) years. When we were “grown folk,” she adopted my first nephew, Rocco.  Rocco was a Blue Merle Australian Shepherd and I loved him immediately.  The feeling was obviously mutual because every time I saw him, he got so excited he peed a little. If ever there was an expression of love, that was it. 

After having Rocco for a bit, Shannan told me she was going to get another dog. I assumed it would be a Red Merle Australian Shepherd of the female persuasion.  

Shannan, “I’m going to get a Shar-pei.”

Me, “No. You obviously can’t. You’ve got to get another Aussie.”

Shannan, “Um, why?”

Me, “Dogs have to match.”

Shannan, “What?” 

Me, “If you have more than one dog, they have to match.”

Shannan, “That’s crazy.”

Me, insistent, “Dogs have to match.”

Shannan, “Why?”

Me, looking deep inside myself, burning with existential conflict, “Because…they do.”

Shannan, “That’s silly.”

Me, realizing she’s right, but still clinging to this deeply-ingrained belief system, “But…but…they DO!”

Shannan, “Think what you need to think, I’m getting a Shar-pei.” 

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The Shar-pei didn’t work out so great, but it taught me to challenge my belief system. Could people possibly just have non-matching dogs? They could. 

Dogs are unique. Every dog is different. Every dog brings their person unique qualities and fulfillment that one might not get if they had multiple copies of the same pet.  

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I recently told my parents that I grew up with the idea that dogs should match.  Their response, “Well that’s silly."

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That's technically the end of this story, but I really really wanted to show you this picture. This is Thanksgiving 2014 vs. Thanksgiving 2022. Dog waiting patiently for the turkey my dad is carving. These are actually two different dogs.